Return: Fashion Friday #5

At the request of this lovely young woman, I have decided to write something about the world of clothing, as I see it. Over the past year I've decided that I really have no interest in popular trends or what I see in magazines. Having not actually been able to purchase new clothing, the situation has made me have to be much more resourceful with the things that I already have and make new ideas out of the old. I find that I tire of the typical and quite overbearing nature of what it is to be a stereotypical homosexual. I don't care for the music, the shimmering softness, or whatever it is that's in. I simply like what I like.

Now before I continue on my path of hatred for everything (especially people), I give you: Evil Stick Man.

Listen to this as you read:

I love neutrals. Black, gray, beige, silver...with just a dash of red--as if you couldn't tell from my dated layout. This combination is all about dramatic straight lines. It's sharpness at its finest. Anyone who knows me knows I like tight fitting clothing. Not obscene gonna bust the seams and look similar to a can of popped biscuits before brunch on Sunday afternoon, but, tight as in, its as if my clothing has been tailored to my body.

Let's start from the bottom up. I'm vain. I love to hear myself walk and clicking is essential, if not vital to my daily routine. I got my first pair of wingtips from a Steve Madden when I was 22. Wingtips can dress up anything--even some ripped up jeans.

Slim fit dress pants are nice, when you want add a little flair or if you dislike the regular boxy shape of a basic chino. They are much more body conforming than a skinny jean, which means you can breath and still look like you have some sort of shape.

Ties are only for for work and court. When you're there and have the audacity to wear this, a tie can at least say, "I'm here to work."

The military fit of the black shirt adds to the overall straight line effect. If one has relatively good posture, this would flatter the male figure with ease. The grey cowl-neck jersey is to be work under the black military shirt, with the first few buttons undone. What's the point in having detail if it's covered up?

Accessories. The bag in the picture, is a Ben Sherman messenger. I actually got this very one for my birthday this year. Its fantastic, roomy, but overall a little heavy. It is not good to carry electronics in and is basically all for looks, unless you need to carry papers or a light change of clothing.

I like sunglasses. The bigger the better. I have never really cared much for being without them. When you can't see someone's eyes, it makes you wonder what's underneath. These particular shades really make the outfit. Being only thing to really have a slight curve, it is offset by the rest of straightened nature of the ensemble.

Now this watch I picked arbitrarily. I like large faced watches, because I have relatively small wrists. If I could, I'd make it white or black..maybe red? And go with a black wallet. I'd also not make it BVLGARI and $7500.

Hair. My hair has gone through a bit of evolution as of late. Leaving me with a bit of an apache mohawk.

Little face paint never hurt anyone as far as I'm concerned--gives you that dash of character your television father always talked about. However, after a week of sulking to my man about my woes, (Yeah, that actually happened.) I learned how to do a slicked back conservative do. Similar to this head strong Chihuahua-faced douche:

And there you have it. Straight, clean, and little frill-- and shaved to boot.